Some nights I can’t sleep
I sit up all night binge watching the things you’ve done over and over in my mind
Some days I can’t focus
It’s a tall task to remember everything I need to accomplish today when the words you’ve said echo in my head
Some nights I’m in pain
Yet no one can see the wounds even if I took their hand and placed it where it hurts
Some days I can’t cope
But chances are that you could never tell
I was never afraid
Of the monsters in my closet,
Or under my bed.
I was tucked in by the worst one before bed every night.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve done one of these. In fact, the last time I did one of these, none of it came to fruition, but let’s not start off negatively! I’m grateful that I’ve had the time to live a little more and have my experiences shape me. You better believe that present-me is better than past-me.
So. What is new?
Top three are the following: new job, I’m getting married, and I’m in therapy. That’s right, all screws which were once loose are now being screwed in just a little.
I commissioned two logos a few months ago. I’ve also gotten pretty heavily into a few writing projects, including my elusive short films, which I’ve been dreaming up for a number of years. Four of these short films have working scripts and will be filmed this year. On a poetic note, I’ve dabbled in writing long form, spoken word inspired, poetry. Although, the chances of me actually performing said poems are anyone’s guess.
I’m growing as a writer and I’m learning how to let things flow naturally. That is something I’ve struggled with quite a bit.
Now for some blog related news. I have sparingly posted rants here. Social issues, personal issues, and project updates have all popped up. While I do see project announcements having a place here, I no longer feel that way about the others. I’ve decided to create two new blogs. One to voice my social/life views and the other as more of a life experiences blog. Those will be linked as soon as I get them started and made pretty. Currently, all I have are the domains picked out.
In the end, this is a place for poetry and I intend to keep it more focused on that.
Thanks for reading!
It is bittersweet
I can sometimes hear your song
As the free bird sings
My mind is a middle school hallway on he final day of school at the sound of the final bell. A stampede of kids all heading different directions and they are all talking at the same time.
I can’t distinguish one voice from the other without being in that inner circle, but even then you’re listening to more than one at a time. I focus on one voice but the others just push their own into the spotlight.
Oh, how I relish the few days where it’s the first day of summer. My footsteps echo off the walls and I can finally hear the sound of my own breathing. The hallways are littered, but empty. Everyone’s gone home for the summer.
I know the silence won’t last forever.
I coexist with my demons. They are my roommates, if only roommates stayed in the little cracks of my mind.
Living with them takes a toll on you. It comes on like the flu. One day I’m functioning normally, and the next they crawl out of the corners of my head and I suddenly just can’t muster the strength to get out of bed.
To coexist is to embrace that darkness and absorb that toxicity. To coexist is to ensure that I don’t overdo it and leave myself consumed and septic.
Living with them is a part of my human experience.
The demons I live with are here to stay. There is nothing I can do to keep them out of my mind for good, only at bay.
Life is a song, isn’t it?
It begins with a happy melody before an identity is formed with unique verses.
The themes of our lives laid out in a chorus that would be repeated time and again, effecting everyone who comes in contact with it.
And then…a final refrain. The beginning melody fades softly into the air until the last note has dissipated. But with that last note, comes heartbreak.
In our lives, we will never hear that exact song again. If we are lucky, we can see and hear echoes of it in our own song.
If life is indeed a song, then death surely is too.